Son of a Cleaning Lady

Below are advanced excerpts and illustrations from my book “Son of a Cleaning Lady: The 10 Principles for Success”. Consider this a sneak peek at some of the ideas I explore in greater detail. Always welcome your thoughts.

// Discipline Tank

The first principle is the hardest because it demands brutal honesty. Almost everyone says they work hard. But working isn’t the same as working hard. Real work is measured in consistency, showing up when you’re tired, when you’re distracted, when no one is watching. The truth is, very few people actually push themselves past comfort, past distraction, past the point where the brain screams stop. That’s where discipline lives. This principle isn’t about results, it’s about keeping the promise you made to yourself. If you said you’d send 25 outreaches to make a career move this week, discipline isn’t getting the job, it’s finishing all 25 no matter what. Stack enough of those reps, and results will come. That’s the tank you’re building, once the fuel is in, the machine doesn’t stop until the finish line.

We often think of this in terms of physical fitness, going to the gym a certain number of times or losing weight — but it applies to everything. Every promise you make to yourself, whether in your relationships, career, health, or habits, is another chance to prove you can follow through. Again, not the result, but the action of doing, because we said we would.

What’s the science tell us? Discipline works like a muscle. Neuroscientists call it neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself through repetition and effort. Every rep of sticking to a commitment makes the wiring stronger. Psychologists studying habits found it takes an average of 66 days for a new habit to feel automatic (Phillippa Lally et al. at UCL). Some stick faster, some take longer. But every repetition literally reshapes the brain, making it easier to follow through the next time.

The principle: I honor my commitments to myself and others, regardless of mood, excuse, or circumstance.

Attention is the other piece. Cornell Health explains it simply: attention is tuning out what doesn’t matter so you can focus on what does. Distraction is the killer. The person who pretends to “work” while scrolling their phone isn’t working at all, they’re bleeding energy. Flow, the state where hours disappear and performance spikes, only comes when attention is undivided.

Tiger Woods wasn’t a natural.

Tiger Woods was trained and disciplined. His father had him gripping a club before he could walk. By three, Tiger shot 48 for nine holes. At 21, he was the youngest Masters champion in history. Commentators called it destiny. The reality? His work ethic was engineered. Years of training built a discipline tank that could carry him further than talent ever could.

And it’s not just sports. Walt Disney was turned down more than 300 times before someone funded his dream. Steve Jobs was fired from Apple before returning to build the most valuable brand on earth. The constant in every story isn’t talent, it’s a tank filled with discipline.

My tank didn’t come preconfigured. It took getting punched in the face by life more than once. As a freshman in high school, I quit wrestling after a few weeks, telling myself the other kids had “natural talent.” That was bullshit. What they had was years of discipline that I hadn’t yet built. Later, it was the same story in various projects, passions, and physical goals I abandoned halfway. One day, my mom looked me dead in the eye and said, “You don’t want it bad enough.” It cut deep, because she was right.

I had to fail my way into building this skill. I had to feel the sting of quitting, the regret of knowing I left something on the table, before I learned how to flip the switch. And now, when I go all in, I don’t stop until the job is finished. Not because I’m the most talented, but because I’ve trained myself not to quit (but a reminder, with effort comes talent). I’m not all-in on everything; no one is. But when I decide it matters, I’m relentless.

Important to understand that you can’t chase five major goals at once; your tank will run dry. The strongest people know how to pick one mission and burn everything into it until it’s done. Nail that one, then earn the right to pick the next.

The Persistence Factor

One study (Patricia Blinco) that has stuck with me for decades found that Japanese students, when faced with a problem they didn’t know how to solve, stayed with it longer than their Western peers. They didn’t quit fast. That small persistence gap compounds into higher achievement. I think about this often when I’m asked something I don’t know, my brain wants to stop, but I remind myself that the real test is how long I’ll keep pushing.

I test the same exact thing in critical interviews. I give candidates a logic riddle, not a trick, not a word game, but a solvable problem. What matters isn’t the answer. It’s what they do in the moment of “I don’t know, !!!, I really want to seem smart, and get this job.” Do they fight through the wall their brain throws up, the panic of wanting the answer right away, or do they fold? The strongest people are the ones who stay in that space and keep going. Ask yourself right now: when you face something you don’t know, how fast do you give up?

Building Your Discipline Tank

Discipline isn’t about endless effort. It’s about structure. Think of it as filling a tank, drop by drop.

• Habits: Commit to one action every day for 30–90 days. That’s how you rewire your brain.

• Flow: Build environments that eliminate distraction — silence the phone, close the tabs, clean your space.

• Focus: Do one thing at a time. Multitasking is wasted fuel.

• Discomfort: Lean into pain. Growth only happens past the comfort zone.

• Persistence: Push through walls. Ask questions, try angles, but don’t quit early.

You don’t need to do everything at once. You just need to make consistent deposits until the tank is full enough to carry you through the hardest challenges. Pick one goal right now. Just one. Write it down. For the next 30 days, do it every single day. No excuses. To raise the stakes, put real skin in the game: money, a prized item, or anything that would hurt to lose. Hand it to a friend or family member with this rule: if you quit, they keep it. Psychologists call this loss aversion. We fear losing more than we value winning. Use that fear to fuel your discipline tank.

Pro tip: Love being a beginner. Love making mistakes. Don’t fear them, lean into them, and you’ll be amazed at how fast you learn and how much fun it actually is. Ask questions instead of pretending you know. The best leaders I’ve worked with don’t bluff when they’re lost; they pause, clarify, and ask sharper questions. When you hit something, you don’t understand, do you posture, or do you dig in with curiosity?

Without discipline, none of the other principles in this book matter. Real success isn’t luck. It isn’t talent. It isn’t timing. It’s the ability to keep pushing through walls when everything in you wants to stop. Without that, you’ll get tired, you’ll quit, and you’ll be one more person who almost made it.

Your challenge is simple: stop lying to yourself about how hard you work. Start building your discipline tank today. In 30, 60, 90 days, you won’t just feel different, your brain will be different.

“Discipline equals freedom.”
Jocko Willink

// Beautiful Matters

Our brains are wired to notice beauty. Long before conscious thought, humans evolved to recognize patterns, symmetry, and order. Studies show that we can judge a face’s attractiveness in less than a tenth of a second, and that preference is deeply tied to signals of health and intelligence. Beauty, in this sense, means the recognition of quality and excellence.

What does the science tell us? In nature, beauty often represents survival. Take the peacock: those massive feathers require enormous energy to grow and maintain, yet they exist because they signal strength and vitality. A weak bird could never produce them, which is why they attract the strongest mates. Or birdsong: researchers have found that the longer and more complex the song, the more likely the bird is to secure a mate and thrive. Beauty, in this context, isn’t decoration. It’s evidence of thriving — a marker of quality built to last. That’s the definition I want you to carry forward when I say “beautiful”, it’s clarity, it’s appearance in excellence.

It’s undeniable: beauty has always sold, and it always will. Humans instinctively look for it — not just in people, but in every part of life. We want a partner who carries themselves with presence, because it signals health and strength for the family we may build together. We want a home that’s designed well, because good design makes life function better.

And in our professional lives, the same rule applies. Beauty here doesn’t mean vanity; it means excellence made visible. The way your work looks, feels, and functions is often judged before the substance is ever considered. A clear, well-structured resume gets read when a sloppy one doesn’t. A presentation with clean flow and design keeps attention when a messy one loses it in minutes. An email written with precision builds trust where a rambling one erodes it. Excellence in appearance changes outcomes, because people notice how much care you put into what you create. That care signals respect — for your audience, for your ideas, and for yourself.

The principle: I present my work and myself with excellence, because appearance is proof of quality.

Excellence tends to show up in three ways: medium, design, and efficiency.

• Medium is the vehicle you choose. Is your message best delivered in a conversation, a one-pager, or a video? Choosing the wrong medium kills clarity.

• Design is how it’s presented. Structure, visuals, and the way the story is told. It’s not decoration, it’s meaning made visible.

• Efficiency is how quickly and effectively it delivers. Consider Amazon’s famous discovery: for every 100 milliseconds of extra load time, they lost 1% in sales. That small delay translated into hundreds of millions of dollars. When delivery drags, results disappear.

Presentation is the Product

I’ve created and delivered presentations tied to proposals worth billions of dollars. Again and again, I’ve seen that beautiful design, meaning clarity, flow, and visual storytelling, changes the outcome every time. Leading global firms don’t just have design teams. They teach these skills to everyone because they know they’re fundamental. Yet too many professionals treat them as an afterthought. It’s a blind spot, and it costs them. And in my experience, people often dismiss these things; they will say, “PowerPoint is grunt work.” They’re extra wrong. The power to tell a story in the medium that is required (and for much of the corporate world, it is PowerPoint) is a superpower, and extremely hard to do. Even at the world’s most renowned consultancies, only 1/20 people have this capability.

Apple built an empire on this belief. Steve Jobs and Jony Ive understood that design wasn’t an add-on; it was the product. From the clean simplicity of Helvetica fonts to the ritual of unboxing an iPhone, every detail was crafted to feel beautiful. Competitors could match the specs. They couldn’t match the experience. And that’s why Apple commands a premium: beauty, as much as function, sells.

This lesson applies directly to you in everything that you do. People notice how you show up before they notice what you have to say. Clothes tell part of your story before you open your mouth. A sloppy anything, from the physical to the digital, makes people question your standards before they ever read your achievements. A boring presentation makes people tune out before you deliver your big idea. Excellence in appearance is about appreciation for you and the viewer.

I learned this early. Winning “best dressed” in high school wasn’t about fashion for its own sake; it was about realizing how presentation shaped perception. Later, whether in the boardroom, a restaurant, or traveling, people consistently treated me differently when I carried that same intention into how I presented myself. It creates an entirely new environment for how others respond to you, and it sets the standard for how you should be treated. Please don’t confuse great appearance with being the loudest or flashiest. That’s a mistake. True excellence in appearance is about looking intentional, comfortable, and composed.

Interestingly, research backs this up. A study found that people who wear watches tend to score notably higher on conscientiousness and even arrive earlier to appointments compared to non-watch wearers, a signal that small display choices can reflect real behavioral cues.

Examples of Where Appearance Matters

Beauty goes deeper than appearances; it is excellence made visible. It’s how quality gets recognized instantly, before a single word is spoken. That matters in nature, in business, and in your life. When you show up with excellence in how you present yourself and your work, you give people a reason to lean in, listen, and believe.

Excellence isn’t perfection. It’s respect. Respect for your ideas, for your audience, and for yourself. The details you control, from the slides you design to the way you dress, are signals. Make them strong, and they’ll open doors before you even speak.

“Design is intelligence made visible.”
Alina Wheeler

// Kill the Victim

When I was younger, I looked back at my life and told myself I’d had it rough. My parents left for the U.S. when I was small, and I didn’t see them for years. When I finally arrived, I couldn’t speak English. Alcoholism sat heavy in our home and shaped how I saw family. When it came time for college, I remember this time clearly because it felt like such a pivotal decision point. I applied to St. Joseph’s not because it was my dream. It was simply where my girlfriend’s friend was going (the universe conspired in my favor). I carried this belief that if I’d had more help, if I’d been born in the right place, if someone had shown me the way more, I’d already be further along. The story I told myself was simple: I was a victim of circumstance.

That mindset cost me time. It gave me a reason to play small. It let me off the hook when I didn’t want to take responsibility.

My grandfather, one of my life’s true heroes, then left me a handwritten history of his life as a gift. Jan Kurzawa grew up in Poland during WW2, which split the country in two. My great-aunt fought in the Warsaw Uprising and carried shrapnel under her skin for years. My family hid in a hand-dug bunker while shells pounded the fields above. School closed, food disappeared, and survival became the only focus. After the war, he rebuilt from almost nothing, learned trades, and eventually flew to New York with just a few dollars and unshakable grit. He worked brutal hours, learned the language, climbed his way up, and pulled others with him. His life said one thing: life isn’t fair, but it is yours to take.

Then I read A Long Way Gone, and the lesson piled on from another drastic example. Ishmael Beah was twelve when rebels tore through his village in Sierra Leone. He lost his family. He was forced into war he never chose, drugged, armed, and told to kill or be killed. He endured horrors most of us can’t imagine, and somehow crawled his way back through rehabilitation, education, and writing. He didn’t erase the past. He transformed it. That book burned two lessons into me: most of us don’t know true devastation, and no matter how unfair your story, staying a victim is still a choice.

That was the pivot. If people can walk through hell and still choose growth, then my “if only” excuses had to die.

What’s the science tell us? Psychologists describe victimhood as a cycle. You replay what happened to you, focusing on unfairness and loss. Over time, the brain starts wiring itself to seek blame instead of solutions. Carol Dweck’s work on mindsets explains it well: a fixed mindset says, “This is who I am, and I can’t change.” It feels safe because it explains away failure. But it’s a cage.

The principle: I release blame for my past and circumstances, and take full ownership of my future.

A growth mindset rewrites the script. It says, “This happened, but I can learn from it, adapt, and use it to grow.” Neuroscience shows us why this matters. Rumination, or obsessing over what went wrong, spikes cortisol and anxiety. Reframing your story, choosing meaning instead of blame, literally reshapes the stress response in your brain. That shift builds resilience, discipline, and the ability to move forward.

Your past may explain you, but it does not define you. Ownership is the antidote to victimhood. Jocko Willink (whose “Good” YouTube video I rewatched hundreds of times) calls it “Extreme Ownership”, the radical idea that you are responsible for everything in your life, even the things that weren’t your fault. That doesn’t mean you caused it. It means you’re the only one who can change it.

You weren’t taught something? Learn it now.
You grew up with chaos? Build structure today.
You picked up bad habits? Replace them with stronger ones.
No, fucking, excuses.

Ownership is freedom. It doesn’t erase what happened; it makes the future yours again.

The Pain Paradox

The pain you’ve been through can either be a weight that drowns you or a superpower that propels you. The difference is whether you choose to use it. All the greats didn’t succeed despite their pain; they succeeded because of it. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison before leading South Africa out of apartheid. Steve Jobs was abandoned at birth, fired from his own company, and still came back to revolutionize entire industries. Frida Kahlo turned a life crippled by illness and a horrific accident into art that shook the world. Their suffering wasn’t an obstacle; it was the accelerator. Without it, they wouldn’t have built the resilience, creativity, and drive that defined their success.

Pain sharpens. Pain teaches. Pain hardens you for the fight ahead. It’s not a curse, it’s a forge. The truth is, every time you say, “If only I had…” you’re handing your power away. Victimhood steals more dreams than failure ever could. Failure at least teaches you something. Victimhood keeps you stuck in the same loop forever.

It’s also critical to stop saying “when...” When I get the job, when I make more money, when I meet the right person, then I’ll be happy. Every time you do that, you hand your life to some future version of yourself that may never arrive. Notice how often you push your happiness into the future. It’s the same trap as victimhood, just dressed up in the future. You’re not living, you’re waiting.

Burn the excuses

Here’s a test: write down the excuse you tell yourself most often. The one that starts with “if only I…” or “when I…". If only I had more money. If only I had better parents. When I get the next job. Now burn it. You don’t get to carry it forward anymore.

The moment you kill the victim, you open the door to becoming the creator. When I finally made this shift in my own life, everything changed. I stopped thinking about what I didn’t have and started focusing on what I could control. I studied, I built, I failed forward. I took ownership of my habits and my mindset. And it isn’t a one-time choice, it’s a constant check-in with yourself. Every day you must decide again whether you’re going to live as the victim or the creator. Here’s the crazy part: the world didn’t suddenly become easier. But I became stronger. And once you get a taste of that, there’s no going back. You stop envying other situations, and you start creating your own path.

You must control your destiny. Victimhood is a thief of life. It steals your energy, your relationships, your growth, and your future. Whatever pain you’ve carried, whatever unfairness you’ve endured, it can either be your story of why you never made it, or the story of how you turned it into power. The choice is yours. But there is only one right choice. Kill the victim.

“The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you can change anything in your life.”
Hal Elrod

// There Are No Rules

All our lives, people line up to tell us how things are supposed to work. Teachers, bosses, the government, and, often most impactfully, our own families and friends. They don’t hand you a printed list, but you hear it enough times to start believing it:

• Go straight to college after high school.

• Get married before you have kids.

• Don’t leave a job before two years, or it “looks bad on your resume”.

• Put in four or five years as a manager before you’re “ready” to be a director.

It sounds neat, safe, and predictable. But here’s the reality: they are all… made up.

Rules aren’t timeless. They don’t descend from the sky. They’re created by people, people making decisions at a particular moment, with limited information, their own biases, and their own interests. Over time, those decisions get repeated so often they calcify into “the way it is.” We grow up carrying those invisible limits into school, into work, into our families. We rarely stop to ask where they came from, or whether they still make sense.

What I’ve learned is simple: if you press against those walls, a lot of them crumble.

Here’s a reminder: we’re standing on a planet spinning over 1,000 miles an hour, racing around the sun at 67,000. Just a few centuries ago, empires rose and fell as men carved borders with blood and conquest. In one lifetime, we went from horses pulling carts to rockets carrying men to the moon. Today, individual people hold wealth measured in the tens of billions of dollars (did you know a billion seconds is over 31 years?). The rules said school takes 12 years, college four more, then decades of climbing, yet some teenagers become millionaires before they can even vote.

Facebook: Different Rules for Different Players

Early in my career, I worked a lot on connecting different systems, building integrations so companies could reach customers more effectively. One of the biggest opportunities back then was Facebook. Brands wanted to use Facebook’s data to drive engagement. Like our page, get loyalty points, and earn gift cards. Simple idea.

The execution? A nightmare. Facebook kept tightening what data companies could access, even with customer permission. At one point, if a user agreed, you could see their whole profile, a goldmine for marketers. Then Facebook changed the policy. Suddenly, that access expired in 30 days. If you wanted to keep it, you had to ask the customer to reconnect every month. Most didn’t. Those projects died on the spot.

Then one of my strategists introduced me to a Facebook partner who somehow had all the data the rest of us couldn’t touch. Tens of millions of profiles, advanced behavioral details, all neatly packaged. Their trick? Personality quizzes. Silly stuff like “What pizza are you?” that people clicked on by the millions. And here was the kicker: Facebook gave this company a special exemption. Their data never expired (impossible!).

That company was Cambridge Analytica. The scandal eventually blew up, with congressional hearings, billion-dollar fines, and global headlines. But the lesson for me wasn’t about privacy. It was this: what looked like a universal rule wasn’t universal at all. If you had leverage or the right agreement, the rules bent.

Trump: Breaking the Political Playbook

For decades, the unwritten rule in American politics was clear: you had to be part of the machine. Governors, senators, and generals were all polished, experienced, and backed by the establishment. That was the ladder to the presidency.

Now, yes, we’ve had candidates outside the mold before. Reagan was an actor. JFK represented a new generation, a political dynasty that broke some traditions. But even they operated within the system. They played the game. They climbed the rungs, built coalitions, and worked through the party.

Then Donald Trump showed up. A businessman, a reality TV star, no political experience, no respect for the playbook. The experts laughed. The media called him unqualified, offensive, a disaster waiting to happen. When the Access Hollywood tape leaked, everyone swore it was over. This was the kind of scandal that should sink any campaign. But it didn’t. A month later, he won the election.

This isn’t about agreeing or disagreeing with Trump. The point is this: what looked like an unshakable rule of American life — that only seasoned politicians could be president — wasn’t a rule at all. It was just a belief people carried because nobody had broken it before. Until someone did.

The Lawyer: A Family’s Shortcut

When my family fought to get our citizenship, we did everything by the book. We saved money, hired a lawyer, and trusted her to guide us. That lawyer turned out to be scamming families like ours, taking thousands of dollars and doing nothing. Years were wasted, and we eventually had to start over with someone new. Even then, the process dragged on. Everyone told us, “That’s just how it works. It takes years.”

And maybe that first lawyer thought she had created her own rule: do no work, still collect the money. But rules like that don’t last. I promise you this: karma is always watching. 

But then I watched another family in our community take a different path. They had a connection, someone who knew a person inside the governors office. They reached out, made the call, and suddenly their paperwork, which should have taken years, was approved in weeks. The rule — that the process had to be long and drawn out — dissolved the moment someone had the right access.

And let me make one thing clear: breaking rules is not the same as breaking the law. Doing something illegal isn’t worth it, not simply because of moral points, but because it destroys your peace of mind and well-being and puts everything at risk. There are too many opportunities to make unlimited money legally. Understand this: we all have access to the internet. That means you can literally hire someone to build and launch an AI app for under $100 in under one week. That’s real power.

The principle: I reject limits set by others and define success on my terms.

What does the science tell us? The most transformative moments in history didn’t happen by following what already existed; they happened by breaking from it. About 375 million years ago, early vertebrates like Tiktaalik developed primitive lungs and strong fins, allowing them to leave the water and crawl onto land. Fast forward: in the 1930s, most leading physicists believed splitting the atom was impossible, until 1938 when Hahn and Strassmann achieved nuclear fission. The biggest leaps don’t come from staying inside the rules; they come from stepping outside them.

The Framework: How to Think About Rules

So what do you do with this? It’s not about cutting corners, and it’s never about cheating. It’s about refusing to let invisible rules dictate your ceiling.

Here’s how I think about it:

1. Stop being limited by others or society. When people tell you “that’s not how it works,” what they really mean is, “that’s not how it’s worked for me.” Don’t inherit their limits.

2. Know there are shortcuts. Some are smarter, faster, better ways to move forward. Don’t wait ten years to earn what you could figure out in two.

3. Learn to test boundaries. Ask questions. Push back. When a door looks locked, jiggle the handle. Sometimes it opens.

If you remember anything from this chapter, let it be this: most of the walls around you aren’t real. They’re lines drawn by people who came before you. You don’t need permission to erase them. You don’t need to wait for your turn. You can challenge the limits you’ve been handed and create new ones for yourself.

“My uncle said I’d never sell a million records. I sold a million records, like a million times.”
Jay-Z

// Can’t Win Sick

This principle is about protecting the vehicle that carries you through life, your body and your brain. If you neglect your health, it’s not just discomfort you’ll face, it’s limits. Energy fades, focus slips, and eventually, you burn out. On the other hand, when you intentionally invest in your well-being, you unlock stamina, clarity, and drive. Understand this: you can’t operate at your best while sick, and if you let it slip too long, you will suffer, or worse. You can build wealth, titles, and accolades, but if your health collapses, it all collapses with it.

Years ago, a friend and I built what we called the Foundation Formula, and I’ve refined it ever since while working with hundreds of leaders. It’s rooted in both science and lived experience, research on the brain, observing high performers, and experimenting in my own life. The Foundation Formula rests on three pillars: Mind, Body, and Inspiration. Together, they form the base for sustainable well-being. When they are strong, you don’t just feel good, you gain the energy and resilience to win. When they are neglected, you always pay a price.

I know this firsthand. Early in my career, I ignored the basics. Long stretches of sleepless nights, relentless travel, nonstop stress. My body finally broke. I ended up extremely sick, with weeks of hospital visits and doctor warnings I couldn’t brush off. It was the scariest stretch of my life, the realization that success meant nothing if I couldn’t get out of bed. Since then, I’ve invested thousands of hours into health and well-being. Nothing is more important, because without it, everything else fails.

What’s the science tell us? Health is not optional; it’s foundational. Harvard’s research (Harvard Study of Adult Development) on human longevity consistently shows that physical health and mental sharpness are core predictors of performance and fulfillment. Neuroscience reveals how tightly the brain and body are linked: exercise boosts cognitive performance, diet impacts mood regulation, and sleep literally rewires the brain each night.

One study (Neurocognitive Consequences of Sleep Deprivation, 2009) showed that sleeping fewer than six hours a night for two straight weeks leaves you functioning as poorly as someone legally intoxicated. Another body of research points out that consistent exercise increases levels of BDNF, a protein that supports learning and memory. Even hydration plays a role: mild dehydration can reduce concentration and increase fatigue.

The science stacks up to one clear conclusion: you can’t grind your way around health. Yes, you might survive one all-nighter or a season of poor habits, but the cost will eventually come due. And when it does, it collects in lost energy, impaired judgment, or outright illness.

Pillar One: Mind

The mind is the command center. If it’s foggy, reactive, or negative, everything else follows. Most people spend more time refreshing their email than strengthening their mental clarity, which is why this pillar is first.

1. Reflection: Reflection is the practice of stepping back to understand yourself. Journaling, coaching, or simply quiet thought builds awareness of how and why you react. It shifts you from autopilot into intentional action. Reflection makes your choices sharper and your responses calmer.

2. Presence: Presence means attention. In a distracted world, being fully present is a superpower. Meditation, breathing exercises, or even deliberate breaks train the mind to focus. This same muscle helps in high-stakes meetings, hard conversations, or strategy sessions where every detail matters.

3. Positivity: Humans are wired to focus on the negative. Positivity reinforces that wiring. Gratitude lists, reframing setbacks, or deliberately naming what’s going well aren’t “fluff.” They strengthen resilience and allow you to push forward when challenges hit.

Think of the mind as software: reflection debugs it, presence stabilizes it, positivity upgrades it. Ignore it, and you’ll run on corrupted code.

Pillar Two: Body

Your body is the hardware. No matter how sharp your software is, if the machine overheats or doesn’t get the right upgrades, nothing runs. The body does not forgive long-term neglect.

1. Exercise: Movement is fuel for both strength and focus. It doesn’t need to mean heavy lifting or marathons. Even 30 minutes of daily activity has proven benefits for energy, stress reduction, and brain function. Muscle mass is a serious predictor of longevity. Research shows that older adults with stronger, more abundant muscles live longer, healthier lives

2. Nutrition: Food is information for your body. Whole foods, balance, and hydration support the brain and immune system. Poor fuel drags performance down as fast as junk gas in a race car.

3. Sleep: The single most important factor for recovery, performance, and long-term health.

In my experience, above all, there’s sleep. Sleep is the only “hyper-hack” for well-being without question. Neglect it, and sickness comes fast. Protect it, and performance soars. Sleep regulates hormones, repairs tissue, and clears toxins from the brain. It’s the most powerful single practice for long-term success. If you want to win, treat your sleep schedule like your bank account, guard it fiercely.

Think of your body as a race car. You can’t win if the engine keeps breaking down.

Pillar Three: Inspiration

Inspiration is the part of you that craves progress. It’s not about survival; it’s about expansion. Without inspiration, you stagnate. With it, you evolve.

1. Learning: Lifelong learners stay relevant. Knowledge compounds the same way money does, and small, steady investments in reading, writing, or experimenting create outsized returns.

2. Fun: Fun is not indulgence. Friends, travel, music, hobbies, or play expand perspective, reset stress, and unlock creativity. Many cases of “burnout” are just the absence of fun.

3. Mentorship: Just like coaches protect athletes from injury and accelerate their progress, mentors protect your growth and expand your perspective. Being around people who stretch you, challenge you, and guide you is one of the fastest ways to strengthen both your well-being and your performance.

Inspiration gives meaning to progress. It keeps life from collapsing into stagnation.

The principle: I protect my mind and body first, because without them, nothing else endures.

The three pillars don’t need to be perfect every day. The point is consistency over time. When the body is weak, the mind struggles. When the mind is clouded, growth slows. When inspiration stalls, both body and mind lose drive. Each pillar strengthens the others.

Every 90 days, run a simple self-check. Write down each of the nine categories and score yourself 1–10. This is not about shame, it’s about awareness. When you see the weak spots, you can strengthen them before they break.

• Mind: Reflection, presence, positivity

• Body: Sleep, exercise, nutrition

• Inspiration: Learning, fun, mentorship

You can’t win sick. That’s the principle. Health isn’t a side project; it’s the foundation. Whatever your motivation, supporting your family, traveling the world, building wealth, or doing work that matters, none of it is possible if you’re running on empty. Hustle culture celebrates effort, but effort without health is wasted fuel. Energy, clarity, and resilience are the real multipliers. Success that isn’t built on health is success that won’t last.

"A healthy man has a thousand dreams, a sick man has only one."
Indian Proverb

// Riches Are in the Niches

The basis of building wealth is mastery. You don’t need to be good at everything. You need to become great at one thing, because in that excellence, mastery, and greatness is where the leverage and wealth live.

Doctors and lawyers prove this point. These are respected careers where expertise is rewarded, and for good reason. It takes years of relentless study, late nights, and sacrifice to earn those roles. The world compensates them because few people are willing to endure that grind. And even within these professions, differentiation sets the top apart. A neurosurgeon commands far more than a general practitioner. A trial lawyer who wins massive cases earns multiples of a corporate associate. Hard work creates the baseline, but specialization multiplies it.

Athletes show it in another way. Only a tiny fraction ever makes it to the pros. Less than 5% of NCAA basketball players are drafted into the NBA. This metric blew my mind. The NFL drafts about 250 players a year, the NBA about 60, out of millions of athletes playing globally. It’s not enough to be good; even being “elite” isn’t enough. Only the best of the best rise to the top, because excellence is the only ticket in. That’s the game.

The principle: I master my craft so deeply that excellence becomes my constant advantage.

Mastery itself comes in different forms. Sometimes it’s broad, like economics, law, or medicine. That kind of knowledge makes you a strategist who shapes the big picture. Ray Dalio built a fortune by mastering economics at a systemic level. Mastery can also be narrow and technical: a pediatrician, a cybersecurity engineer, a trial lawyer. Or it can be applied and hands-on: fixing European cars, running global supply chains, or coding machine learning models. The form doesn’t matter. What matters is that dabblers get lost in the noise. Experts get paid.

The same applies to business. Companies that fight head-to-head in crowded markets end up fighting over scraps, the “red ocean.” In Blue Ocean Strategy (W. Chan Kim and Renée Mauborgne), an incredible read, the authors show how real wealth is created when businesses carve out a category of their own, an uncontested space where their differentiation makes competition irrelevant. What’s true for billion-dollar companies is true for you. PS, I read this book in my MBA courses. You can just read them as well, without the $60K price tag.

I’ve lived this personally. I never got a job in my entire career by applying. I was recruited. Why? Because I wasn’t an “anything person.” Merkle hired me because I had deep expertise in loyalty technology, and they wanted to dominate the market. Deloitte recruited me because I had built and scaled inside the Salesforce ecosystem, and they needed that to grow (addition by subtraction). Firms that win don’t hire generalists; they hire specialists who set them apart.

Mastery early in our careers

This can freeze people early in their careers. They think they need to pick their one perfect thing. You don’t. Careers pivot. Technology changes, industries evolve, and so will you. But as you move, you must be strategic: build expertise wherever you are. Each pivot stacks on the last. Without that, you’re just wandering.

Pro tip: Here’s what I’ve seen in hiring and coaching hundreds of people. The “anything person” never lands the great role. They spray the market, saying, “I’ll do anything.” When someone asks me for help and can’t tell me what they want, that’s a red flag. The best, most innovative jobs go to the snipers, the people who specialize, who are known for a capability, who aim with precision. You don’t have to know your forever path today, but you must aim clearly in each chapter. Specificity beats “anything” every time.

The Price of Admission

When you’re being hired into a senior position, no one is paying for potential, they’re paying for immediate expertise and action. The expectation isn’t just that you have experience; it’s that you arrive with perspective, solutions, and a vision for where to go next. It’s reality. If you’re stepping into a marketing or sales leadership role, you should already know the market landscape, the competitors, and the positioning strategies you’d pursue to win share. Of course, your view will evolve as you gain inside knowledge, but you must walk in with insights the team doesn’t yet have (psst, that’s the reason there is an opening). This is where non-experts are exposed and where even talented candidates stumble if they haven’t done their homework on the business and the industry. You can’t fake readiness. At senior levels, mastery isn’t optional; it’s the entry ticket.

Mastery is built by behavior. It’s the books you read, the problems you solve, the people you learn from, and the projects you take on. These aren’t random. They’re bricks in your foundation. Most people recycle the same ideas they’ve always heard. The ones who rise are the ones who push beyond, who write (you should be writing often), create, and force themselves to think differently. That’s how you stop blending in and start leading.

Greatness demands mastery, and mastery requires dedication. Choose your area, commit to becoming a subject matter expert, and immerse yourself in practice. Stick with it long enough, and your expertise becomes your differentiator, in your career, in your business, in your life.

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.”
Bruce Lee

// Passport to Growth

One of the most critical aspects of growth happens outside your comfort zone. Often, that means leaving the place you were born, raised, or grew up. Our brains adapt to the familiar — the same routes, foods, and routines — and eventually stop noticing them. But when you’re dropped into something new, your brain lights up. Navigating new language, food, customs, and culture forces growth in a way comfort never will. That’s why travel is so powerful.

Travel isn’t just leisure; it’s one of the most powerful accelerators of perspective, understanding, and empathy. It forces you to solve problems you didn’t expect, embrace people who are different, and trust yourself in the unfamiliar. It humbles you, expands you, and sharpens you at the same time. When you travel, you don’t just collect experiences, you collect new versions of yourself.

The Awe Factor

Some of the most profound moments in life happen when you’re in a country where you don’t speak the language, don’t know the ‘rules’, and must figure things out on the fly. That collision of discomfort and discovery creates awe, one of life’s rarest and most electric feelings. It humbles you and excites you all at once, reminding you how alive you are.

When we travel, we see through the noise of division and realize how much we all share. Across cultures, people want the same things: to love and be loved, to protect their families, to succeed, to find adventure, and to live free. The more you see of the world, the harder it becomes to believe the walls we (and our media) build between each other.

Tony

Anthony Bourdain shaped how I see the world. I miss him dearly, and he’s one of the few people who changed my life from afar. Through Parts Unknown (which I stream often), he made travel feel less like tourism and more like connection — sitting at plastic tables, eating street food, listening to people’s stories. He showed that food was never just food; it was history, struggle, and joy all on a plate. What struck me most was how he revealed our common humanity: no matter where he went, people wanted to laugh, to love, to be free. That perspective pulled me out of my bubble and gave me the push to see the world myself, including my first trip to Asia. Tony showed me that travel isn’t about collecting stamps in a passport, it’s about collecting stories

If you’re getting into international travel, here are ten places I recommend, all accessible, impactful, and personally meaningful.

• Algarve, Portugal – cliffs, coastlines, and life at half-speed.

• Bangkok, Thailand – raw energy, endless flavors, and street markets that never stop.

• Barcelona, Spain – art, tapas, and streets that stay alive all night.

• Medellín, Colombia – an incredible city with a rich history and culture.

• Mykonos, Greece – magnetic energy, unforgettable nights, and unmatched beauty.

• Nosara, Costa Rica – a ‘blue zone’* where longevity is a way of life.

• Shanghai, China – awe at the scale, speed, and ambition of modern China.

• Sorrento/Amalfi Coast, Italy – coastal views that feel unreal and pasta that tastes like art.

• Tulum, Mexico – a blend of luxury, beach life, and quick accessibility.

• Krakow, Poland – historic, elegant, and filled with charm.

*Blue Zones are regions in the world where people live significantly longer, often past 100, with strong health and vitality. While some researchers debate whether lifestyle or genetics explain the effect fully, the habits observed: diet, community, movement, and purpose, are worth learning from.

What’s the science tell us? The travel dividend is real: the long-term cognitive and emotional benefits of travel are measurable. Neuroscientists find that exposure to new cultures and environments forces the brain to rewire, boosting creativity and adaptability. Studies show that immersion in new settings enhances problem-solving, builds resilience, and even strengthens empathy. The science confirms what travelers already know: every trip rewires you in ways that last far beyond the flight home.

The principle: I step into new places to grow into new versions of myself.

But we might not need the science for this one, you can feel it the second you land, a shift in energy that tells you you’re somewhere different, alive, and full of possibility.

The Checklist Trap

Too many travelers fall into “checklist mode.” Fly in, hit four landmarks, snap the photos, and fly out. That’s not travel, it’s box-checking. Living in New York taught me this. I almost never went to Times Square, because no local does. And when someone told me they wanted to see it, I’d joke: “That’s like going to Olive Garden in Italy.”

If you want to really experience a place, you need depth, not breadth. Stay a few extra days. Walk the neighborhoods. Eat in a family-owned restaurant instead of the tourist trap. I’ve hosted family and friends in New York, and yes, the Statue of Liberty is inspiring. But their favorite moments were always the same: a long dinner at a tiny bar in the West Village. That’s the difference between visiting and experiencing.

Traveling the world has shown me lessons that repeat themselves everywhere. Over time, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. Here are 7 rules to follow:

1. Skip Random Airport Taxis – They’ll scam you. Use the taxi line or book ahead.

2. Download Maps Offline – Google Maps offline is a lifesaver.

3. Get Currency Early – Order from your bank, it’s cheaper and can be shipped to your house.

4. Eat Local Often – If there’s a person outside with a menu, skip it.

5. Rent a Scooter – If it’s safe, it’s the most fun way to explore.

6. Carry the Right Card – Always bring a credit card with no international fees; never use a debit card abroad.

7. Learn Core Phrases – Do you speak English? Thank you, How are you? — non-negotiable.

To the last rule, before I first went to Paris, people often told me, “The French hate Americans”. What I found was the opposite. I’d ask in French, “Do you speak English? (Parlez-vous anglais?)” and nearly everyone said, “a little”, I’d compliment them, and they’d always help. The problem is tourists who expect everyone to speak English. That lack of respect kills connection. Learn a few phrases, honor the culture, and doors open.

Growth Demands New Soil

One of the best moves you can make is living at least a year in a new place, a minimum 100 miles from home. Far enough that you can’t run back when it gets uncomfortable. It’s scary, and that’s the point. Fear is the first stage of growth. It forces you to meet people, to navigate on your own, and to expand your sense of who you are. You can’t fully evolve if you never leave where you grew up. Growth needs new soil. Living somewhere new builds adaptability, independence, and perspective in a way nothing else does.

If you have the feeling you want to move and you’re scared, do it anyway. Pick a place and go. You will never regret it. Leaving the familiar is tough, but the other side is filled with experience and growth. I was scared on every one of my moves, living across Europe, New York, Florida, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania — and each experience brought me new life, new people, and new strength.

When I started at St. Joseph’s, they warned us non-stop during orientation that homesickness would come. I brushed it off, convinced it wouldn’t hit me. Then boom, like a wave, it crashed in. I wanted to go home. But I stayed, pushed through, and what followed were the four incredible years of my life, filled with friends, learning, and growth I couldn’t have imagined at the start.

Here’s my framework for choosing a new place to live:

• Walkable First – Walkable cities are a must (full stop). Find the job or hobby, then live right nearby. For 12 years across multiple jobs, I lived within a 2-minute walk of my office.

• Live in the City – Stay within city limits. Commuter living kills connection. Living where others vacation is even better.

• Love the Climate – Weather impacts mood and energy. I’ve always favored warm, which is why Florida kept pulling me back.

• Direct Flight Rule – Must have direct flights to your home base. You’ll visit family, and they’ll visit you.

• Experience > Survive – Pick a city where your budget lets you live life, not just pay rent.

These US city rankings are purely my perspective, shaped by living, working, and traveling across these cities. They’re the places that left the strongest mark on me, both personally and professionally.

Elite Tier

• New York, NY (the world’s capital, energy unmatched)

Top-Tier (Huge Markets)

• Miami, FL – vibes, culture, and global gateway

• San Francisco, CA – tech hub and West Coast edge

• Boston, MA – history meets innovation and top-tier education

• Washington, D.C. – government, defense, and cybersecurity hub

• Chicago, IL – centrally located, deep culture, and food scene

The Wonders (Mid-Tier Markets)

• St. Petersburg, FL – art, innovation, and beach energy

• Austin, TX – growth, tech, and creativity in motion

• Charleston, SC – history and southern hospitality

• Dallas, TX – ambition, corporate HQs, and Texas swagger

• San Diego, CA – lifestyle, perfect weather, always

Each city has its own rhythm, culture, and energy. Experiencing them broadens your perspective on what America truly is.

Travel is not an escape. It’s education. It teaches adaptability, humility, and creativity in ways books and classrooms never can. It’s proof that growth comes from leaving the known behind. The more of the world you see, the more of yourself you discover. And the more you discover in others, the more human you become.

“If I’m an advocate for anything, it’s to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else’s shoes or at least eat their food, it’s a plus for everybody.”
Anthony Bourdain